When Intel Flopped—and the Government Footed the Bill.

Introduction:
So here’s the scene: Intel—yes, that Intel—reads the market like a drunk uncle reads tarot cards. Misinterprets everything, but does it with confidence. Meanwhile, over in Washington, someone whispers “China,” and suddenly Uncle Sam opens his wallet like it’s Black Friday at Best Buy. Billions are thrown around... and somehow Intel catches the bouquet.

The Silicon Slip-Up
You’d think a $200B tech giant would have a radar for market trends. Turns out... not so much.

Intel bet the farm on dominance in personal computing—right when the world pivoted to mobile, AI, and cloud like a TikTok trend on steroids. While AMD was busy becoming the scrappy hero in every engineer’s build list, Intel was busy flexing its 1997 biceps in a 2025 arms race.

They missed the memo. Or burned it. Or used it to draft another press release about "exciting 7nm plans (coming eventually, we promise)."

The Government Bail-In
Now here’s where it gets juicy...

Rather than letting market evolution deliver its brutal Darwinian justice, the U.S. government steps in—CHIPS Act in hand—and blesses Intel with tens of billions in subsidies. National security, they say. Domestic resilience, they claim.

Translation? “We can’t make nukes run on TikTok chips.”

And just like that, Intel is reborn—Phoenix-style—with taxpayer feathers and government fire.

Conclusion:
Look—Intel fumbled. Big time. But in America, failure isn’t the end... it’s just the opening scene of a reboot with federal funding. So next time your business tanks, maybe remind your congressperson you too are vital to national security.